But it’s NOT ON THE LIST!!!!

Ask a single girl out there what she’s looking for in a man and they will most likely have a list.  Shit ask a non single woman and they can tell you what was on their list or what they missed on their list or what they have on the list for the next relationship.  We all do it.  Especially if you are online dating.  They make you narrow down the field so you have to search by saying what your list is.   Height?  Body type?  Types of activities?  There are dozen of options while shopping ….oops i mean dating online.  My list was full of very important things like love my children,  sense of humour, ability to communicate.

But then there is the ‘secret’ list.  The list no one will admit to but this list is actually full of the deal breakers.    I call it the let’s get real list.  I’ve heard it over and over…..oh god, his GRAMMAR was soooooo bad.   The minute he sent me a text with “u” instead of “you” i blocked him.  Or well he lives at home with his parents and he’s 40 so there is no WAY I’m going to date him.  Or he’s totally not a professional,  he works in the oil field.  Or best yet, I don’t think I’d have anything in common with someone who is in a bowling league…I’m much more into the theatre and opera.  I need someone to do those types of activities with me.  And that ladies and gentlemen is the REAL reason that we can’t find relationships.   It’s not that there aren’t any good men/women out there.  It’s not that there isn’t someone who works for each and every one of us.  It’s that our damn lists are off!  I mean COMPLETELY off.  We are looking for the wrong damn things.

My ex husband was 100% perfect for me ON PAPER.  He was an educated professional who liked watching football and listened to the same music.  We both enjoyed foreign movies and travel and living overseas was high on both of our lists of things we wanted to do.   We could watch the same tv programs and do the same activities almost every day of the week.  We liked the same type of people and we had the same type of humour.  Seriously it wasn’t a big surprise that we seldom fought and got along for the most part, we were very similar.  Well except we were miserably unhappy, completely and totally wrong for each other AND I was 100% faithful and he….was not.

So I suppose the reason I was so open to dating someone that wasn’t my normal “type” was because I knew that my picker was off.  My normal type wasn’t working for me, and in fact, it never had.  I know that I was open to different but online it was hard not to be a judgemental bee with an itch.  I cared about things that have no impact on day to day life.  I mean when would my life be so horribly affected by someone using bad grammar?  I’m a smart girl, I can tell what someone is trying to say when they type it out in text speak.   So why was it one of the things that I dismissed people for while online dating?  I think I know the answer.  We don’t know what will make us happy in a partnership and so we look for things that we hope will be a good reflection of us.   Remember back at about 14 or 15 how much it matter what your friends thought?  You could really like a guy  you met while on vacation or during summer break but as soon as he was under the harsh glare of the other high school girls he suddenly wasn’t so awesome. We then take over for the mean girls and do our own judging.   Exactly how will someone else’s bad spelling make it hard for you to live with them?  When does someone’s taste in sweater vests affect their ability to communicate in an open and honest way?

Here’s what I’ve learnt.  NONE of that shit matters.  Here’s a list of the things that in the past were red flags that this time I didn’t give a rats ass about. BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T MATTER.

1.  Dress sense.   Fashion sense.   I used to judge a man by the clothes on this back.  I’m not proud of that fact because it’s pretty shallow but if a man had on bad shoes I usually didn’t want to date him.   Do NOT get me started on polo shirts.

2. Education.  Grammar and spelling were things that used to seriously bug me.   I thought that being equal intellectually would make it easier to understand each other.   News flash, it doesn’t.  Not even remotely.

3.  Housing situation.  To be fair this one sort worked itself out FOR me.  I was a home owner all by myself quite young so I used to judge people based on their ability to own a home.  Or at least be living independently.  Then I left my ex and was living in my friends basement.  Reality check.  Shit happens and people do what they need to do.  So meeting a Cowboy living in an RV on a commercial trucking lot didn’t really throw me like it would in the past.  In the past I wouldn’t have given him the chance and I never would have found out about his beautiful 100 year old house that he renovated himself but didn’t get to live in because he was out west drivin’ truck.

4. Movies, Music & TV Shows   WHY???  In the past I would always make a point to find out what type of movies someone liked.  The truth is we have more than one tv out of necessity because if I have to watch one more Mountain Men or Alaskan Men or some such nonsense I’m going to poke an eye out to ease the pain.  BUT we find a couple of shows we both like and we watch those together….big deal.  Having similar taste in television shows does NOT mean we get along better.  It means you need less tv’s.  That’s it.  I used to give it way too much weight.  What my Cowboy likes to watch on tv has NOTHING to do with who he is as a person.  It doesn’t make him smarter or less intelligent.   I have no idea why it mattered so much to me.

I guess what I’ve learned is more people need to throw away the list.  It’s not about settling as I thought in the past.  It’s about reevaluating what makes you  happy.  What makes ME happy is being with someone who cherishes me.   What makes me happy is being in love with someone who loves me back.  What makes me happy is trusting someone completely and knowing that no matter what life throws us we have each others back.  Unless  Mountain Men is on….then I’ll be upstairs watching something with subtitles.

 

Gardening…in March….under snow.

I’m not even kidding.  ALL I’m thinking about is my veggie garden.  Currently it’s about the THIRD day above freezing, so I’m a little early.  But I just can’t wait.    I’m dying to start.  I have a such a great space to work with this year and a huge plan for all the bounty that is coming out of the garden this year.  I am CANNING this year!  I have never done full on canning before so it’ll be a learning experience but I’m excited to try something new.  Also I’ve never done a full veggie garden before but this year is our first year in our amazing new house so I’m starting it out with a bang.

 

The list is as follows……so far……

potatoes

tomatoes

carrots

zucchini

spaghetti squash

peppers

cucumbers

onions

garlic

peas

Also there will be a herb garden with thyme, basil, lavender, dill and a few more.

I’m very excited.

Unfortunately there is a LOT of melting that has to happen before I can sow some seeds.  Here’s Molly trying to find the rhubarb plant.

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This is my veggie corner.  The raised bed that is under here is going to make a LOT of food for us to can.  Cucumbers a plenty!

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The snow IS starting to melt but it’s slow going as we had a VERY large dump of snow this winter followed by extreme cold followed by more dumps of snow.20140310_144648

Here is the full on view of my garden. I almost  got out there and started to shovel so I could sow some seeds.  I’m getting a little antsy.

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I’m excited to finally be in my forever home and planting our first garden.  This summer Cowboy will be building our huge pantry.  Between our garden and the farmers market and the years worth of meat we have in the freezer we’ll be ready for any zombie attack!

I feel the need, the need for….accessories….

When I was a young girl I used to have one of those paper dolls that came with a book full of clothes, shoes, hats and accessories.  I used to sit at the table for hours switching it all up.  This purple dress with a red hat and yellow galoshes….it was so much fun!  One of my favourite toys, well that and playing dots &boxes on long car rides with my brother.  Now I’m an adult and I’m trying desperately to revamp my style and I’m LOVING IT.  It’s like playing with the paper dolls all over again.  My big dilemma is accessories.  I’m so worried about making sure that I don’t slip back into my “grey box” that I’m buying so may colourful pieces but now the need to accessorize them leaves me in a pickle.  Thankfully I have about 3 feet of snow outside so I have a while before most of my new clothes can be worn so as I build my wardrobe I must also build my accessory wardrobe.  The hardest part for me?  Shoes!  

What do you wear with a mod shift dress with mid-century houses all over it?  What colour?  What style?  I have a cute teal cardigan coming from an online second hand shop that is going to look AMAZING with this.

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My first eShakti dress is here and I think it would look good with a nice pair of wedges.  But I think a nice bracelet would work too, and a necklace.  Or would that be too much.  I’m thinking navy wedges and a red chunky necklace.

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This next look is the CUTEST DAMN WRAP DRESS EVER.  It’s from Old Navy and it’s so comfortable it feels like wearing pajamas.  Again, I’m seeing a cute pair of wedges, maybe red Toms….but then I’m completely stuck.

 

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My new shoes are starting to show up as well….I haven’t forgotten my goal of no longer being boring.  The first pair is a cute little pair of almost ballet flats.  So comfy and summery, can NOT wait to wear them.  The second pair has got a slight wedge and I can see them with all my new summer dresses. Oh and the t-strap totally makes me feel all sexy.

20140309_212535 20140309_212314 Oh and there was also THIS little darling at the PO Box…I’m going to doing a LOT of canning this year.  Hopefully from my own garden!  It’s out there…under 3 feet of snow but it’s out there….waiting for me to plant it!

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The art of the flirt…

When a conversation keeps popping up in my life I assume the universe is trying to tell me something.  In this case it’s telling me to write about it.  I am a Cupid and therefore I am a flirt.  It kind of comes with the name.  If you want to be in a relationship with a Cupid you better be secure in yourself because I can guarantee you,  you are in a relationship with a flirt.  BUT it’s not a bad thing.  I’m sad that flirting has become such a lost art that people no longer do it.  I’m sad that if you want to flirt and you don’t have a Cupid in your life that the only place you can find another flirt is the local Legion because only people over the age of 70 know how to flirt properly.   Now a days if you flirt with someone they get all freaked out.  Women have done this to themselves.  Someone complimenting you or making a little innuendo is NOT sexual harassment.    We’re all adults, there is nothing wrong with a little wink.  When I was working at the legion with all the old vets I used to flirt all day!  They would call me darling or sweetheart and I would have such a bounce in my step.  One guy would say ‘don’t you flirt with me tomorrow, the wife’s coming to play cards’ and I would giggle and tell him I would try to hold myself back.  He was 80 if he was a day.  I have no problem with my guy flirting, granted he only really flirts with me but if he was flirtatious with others, I wouldn’t really care.  It’s like dancing.  It’s NOT sexual.  At least not to me it isn’t.  And if someone mistook it as sexual I have no problem letting them know that it isn’t .

Here’s an example!  I was out on a emergency trip with a friend and her hubby. My car died and I needed wine (yes that constitutes an emergency) so I called them and they immediately took me to the LBS (liquor board store for those of you outside of saskatchewan).  While we were in the liquor store we got talking about contests and how I win a lot.  The topic of winning a trip came up and the husband made some comment about me taking him after the shop worker asked if he could go if i win a trip.  The husband said ‘oh you should take me I’m young and virile’ or something like that.  His wife snorted and said ‘dude, i’m right here’.   It was HILARIOUS.  We all laughed.  Was it flirtatious?   Yes.  Was he even REMOTELY serious? No.  Did everyone in the room KNOW it wasn’t serious?  Yes.  And when I told my Cowboy the story, he laughed.  He didn’t freak out and say ‘oh my god that man wants you, you must never speak with him again!’ or ‘you are clearly a cheater, pack your bags!’.  No he laughed and said something about it being good I got a ride to the LBS cause it would be tragic if I ran out of wine.  That is the fun HARMLESS flirting.  I do it all the time.  I wish more people did.  It’s fun  but because we’ve put a sexual connotation to flirting and equated it with cheating now it’s considered a bad thing.  I don’t think that is what flirting used to be.

Now of course there IS flirting with a purpose.  I’ve stopped doing that kind of flirting with anyone other than my Cowboy for obvious reasons.  Flirting with a purpose is that type of ‘hey sailor why don’t you come up and see my sometime’ flirting that I do with my main man so he never feels like I’ve lost the desire for him.  I think we as women have lost that too.

 

And here lies where this whole post is going.  My single person common complaint was that there are  no good guys out there.  I was singing that tune over and over again when I was single.  I was online dating and never meeting anyone.  I didn’t understand.  I assumed that I was hideous and fat and unsexy.  Yup, I blamed myself and felt like crap about me.  True the breakdown of my SECOND marriage due to infidelity (again) didn’t help my self esteem much but it was more than that.  I felt invisible.  And then I did something that changed my life.  I changed my attitude.  About me. I decided that the person I was putting out in the world WASN’T desirable.  The person I was showing the world wasn’t happy, or worthy, or fun, or AVAILABLE.  I started to flirt!  I started to notice men.  I noticed if someone was looking and I SMILED. And if I saw someone i thought was cute I even smiled FIRST!  I stopped with the resting bitch face.    When I noticed a weirdly dressed cowboy in the middle of Walmart, I gave him a few stares.  I smiled at him.  I talked to him by the DVD display.  And by the time I left that Walmart he knew that I was a least maybe a little interested and THAT gave him the courage to give me his number.  Well that and balls of steel.  Cause it was still a risk but at least he knew I might be interested because I wasn’t avoiding eye contact and looking miserable the whole time he saw me in the store.

Flirting, with a purpose or without, we need more of it.

New Name, New Blog…same smart ass attitude.

So I’ve finally taken the plunge and got my own domain!  So what’s in a name?  I am FOREVER A CUPID.   I’m done with the bad relationship, horrific marriages and changing my name because of some dude.  I am forever me.   And now I have the blog name to prove it!

I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my adult life.  I have the love of my life, my kids, my home & my dog. And I’m me.

So welcome to my new blog home.  Take a look around, the old posts are here and the new ones are coming.  Leave a comment I’d love to hear from you!

Ch-ch-ch-changing…..

So remember how I said I was going to start changing my style? Yup. I have truly started. I am loving me. I have always wanted to have a better personal style I’ve just never had the guts. I would love to say it was financial or because of my ex (it’s nice to blame him for everything but really except for the cheating he really isn’t a complete douche) but that wouldn’t be honest, it’s all me. I have lacked the confidence in me to really explore my own style. I’ve never really been comfortable in my own body and now I am. We can all pretend that it’s some huge self realization and that I’ve grown as a person who is all self actualized but that would be such bullshit. The fact of the matter is I have an fantastic partner. My Cowboy loves my body so much it has made me reexamine how I feel about my own body. This is a man who seriously GROWLS when I walk by him in a room. I can not walk passed Cowboy without him reaching out an grabbing me. He is in love with every curve on my body. And in turn I am now in love with every curve of my body. This man WANTS me. Not a little bit but completely. So yeah if you’re wondering why I always have such a huge smile on my face, that is why.  Well that and the sex.  Lots & lots of sex.  Anyway,  now I feel amazing about my own body. I’ve stopped hiding it under bulky clothes, I’ve stopped wearing just grey. I have decided that loving my body is in fact, easier than hating it. There are a few other things that have changed my outlook. I belong to an online community of Curvies who only speak positively about themselves and their bodies. I can now look in the mirror and say “damn i look amazing”. And I’ve learn a VERY important lesson, when you dress your body well and feel good in the right size clothing you then FEEL better about yourself and your body. You carry yourself better, you feel more confident and in turn you look more attractive and you look sexier. This then results in my partner grabbing me even more…it’s a win/win.
So what’s new in my closet? Well I bought a dress and a few shirts off a style icon. Okay she’s not really a style icon she’s a new friend that I met in my online group who has a clothing trade group for curvy girls. I stalked her for a bit and realize that she has the coolest personal style. Then she listed a dress that made my heart stop. So I bought it. A dress I would normally see and think “oh i can’t pull that off” instead I bought it and I LOVE it. I don’t even care if no one else does, it’s 100% adorable and it’s all mine. She also sent along a few other pieces and there started my new closet. I know I need some staple pieces and so on the recommendation of the great Brittany Herself, I bought a denim dress from Old Navy. To bump up to free shipping (still a tightwad) I also bought a beautiful navy striped wrap dress from ON that is DA BOMB. At the same time one of my fellow group members told me about a store called EShakti. Such a great premise. You order clothes and you can customize EVERYTHING. You put in your exact measurements and the dress is made for you and sent to your door. Want a cap sleeve then you can customize any dress to have a cap sleeve. Ok, um….side note, can we just agree that NO ONE looks good with a cap sleeve except Jillian Michaels and little girls with stick arms. I’m 44 years old and a size 14/16 on top.  Designers, stop making cap sleeves in my size, they look all cute on the hanger or in pictures but you know and i know when I put those babies on I will look ridiculous. Stop making them…But anywhoo that was just an example, you can change to any type of sleeve you want. You can change the length, whether or not you want pockets. Just about anything. AND it’s decent prices. My first purchase with all the adjustments, shipping 15% off special pricing was under 50 bucks. For a fully customized dress. What the fuckity fuck? How did I not know about this possibility before? It’s my new favourite website. I will have a closet full of their dresses by the time summer hits.

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^^^Look!  COLOUR!! ^^^

So from a closet full of grey to a colour wardrobe that better reflects who I am as a person and how I feel about myself. Such a fun goal and I’m having a hell of a lot of fun getting to know who I am what looks good on my beautiful sexy body.

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* this picture is from today…no shower, no make-up but too damn excited to wait to try on my FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC new dress.

We Need to Talk….

“We need to talk.”

Nothing strikes fear into a relationship like those four little words.  Many a couple has been brought down by that simple statement.  I swore up and down that I would rather stay single than be in a relationship where I was unable to communicate open and honestly with my partner.  I hadn’t had that before..the middle of the night conversations about the hard topics that can end in hurt feelings and misunderstandings.  Those conversations that need to be said but most couple avoid out of fear that they will ‘stir things up’.  I wanted those.  No, I CRAVED those.  I figured that if I wasn’t going to get to be 100% myself then why bother with a relationship at all.  I could settle for getting my superficial needs met by dating and not give a toss about having to deal with the day to day bullshit that a relationship entails.  So a win/win.   But then I met this guy.  You know the dude.  I heart him so much.  I understand why people roll their eyes when I talk about all the amazing things that my Cowboy does for me.  He’s a remarkable man who treats me with such respect and love it’s hard to believe he’s real.  But he could stop all that today.  The flowers, the crazy amounts of food, the treats from the states.  He could stop all the superficial spoiling because he does one thing.  What?  Well last night I had an issue. It’s an issue of communication when he’s on the road.  It wasn’t a big deal but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.  I get nervous bringing up things that might upset him.  NOT because of him, I realize now but because I have my own baggage.  In my other relationships me bringing up an issue would result in a huge blow up.  ”oh i’m a terrible person” or “I guess I just suck as a mate” or “well I did that because you did this”.  Not with Cowboy.  He listened quietly and then said “I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was doing that.  I’ll try to remember but could you point it out to me next time I do it so I know what you’re talking about?” and then he said “you know I hate hurting your feelings, right?”.  And that ladies and gentlemen is why no matter where we end up in this crazy life I will end up next to this crazy Cowboy.  Cause no one does understanding and communication like him.  And THAT is worth more to me than any flowers or presents he could possibly give me.

 

 

Plus when he’s home he lets me take silly pictures of us even when he’s super tired and has been stuck in the truck up north in 28 below zero with no phone.

 

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Luckiest girl on the planet.  No lie.

Help the needy….

So I love my Cowboy.  He’s a rockstar in so many ways.  Our dryer broke the other day and before you could blink he had that son of a bitch in a million pieces, found the broken fuse thing a ma bob and had it up and running.  THAT my friends is dead sexy.  All my life I’ve gone for the intellectual conversationalist with a dry and witty sense of humor.  Turns out those guys can’t usually hold a screw driver without almost putting an eye out.  But a Cowboy truck driver who not only doesn’t care about the difference between there, their and they’re but will roll his eyes and say “darlin’ I can’t imagine why that matters even a little bit” when I go off on some spelling error as I’m reading facebook.    Yeah, that guy?  He’ll  jump on the roof and fix all that is broken in your house without breaking a sweat.   Now maybe that’s a huge generalization but it’s what i’ve found in my short and varied experience with men.  I think men in the Olden Days used to be more well rounded.   They learnt how to do shit with their hands more.

However.

There is an area that my dear sweet man fall far short.  I think we all remember the mutton chop fiasco that was his attempt at beard growing.  No?  Well when I met dear Cowboy he was sporting what can only be described as an ‘unfortunate’ beard/mustache combo.  He also owns a collection of Harley Davidson t-shirts that is envied the world over.  Envied by whom I have no idea but that can be the only answer as the dude has HUNDREDS of them.  So the other day as I was looking at my beloved Cowboy as he stood at the door I was pretty happy.  There he stood with a collared flannel workshirt, a vest and long leather jacket.  He had on dark denim and a pair of black cowboy boots.  Topping off the outfit was a black cowboy hat.  He looked frickin’ gorgeous and I told him so.  His response?  Oh darlin’ I’ve always dressed like this!  Um what?  No.  No. No.  I DID THIS!  YOU were a cheap bugger who just bought anything in bulk that you thought looked ‘cowboyish’.   You saw nothing wrong with buying $10 light denim jeans at Walmart because they fit and were TEN DOLLARS.  I classed you up you crazy Cowboy.  Do not make me go all crazy on your ass.  And by crazy I mean post proof positive on my blog so others can laugh and judge you from afar.

Here is what my sweet man looks like NOW after we had the conversation about how I don’t want to change him per se but that he needed to spend a little bit on his clothes so he didn’t look homeless.  This look makes me go weak in the kness and is likely to have me rippin’ a Cowboy’s clothes off before we can get out the door.

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This is the shirt he was trying to convince me was a dress up shirt that would be completely acceptable going out with me and my friends.

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This is (WAS) his FAVOURITE dress shirt.  And YES the horses go all the way around for maximum effect.  Oh and it’s short sleeved.  He had the decency to look at least a tad ashamed when he asked if this would work for a function we were attending.

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All that is wrong in the world can be described in this sweatshirt. What i’m not going to go to the mall with you while you wear a grey crew neck sweatshirt with a bull on it?  I’m as shocked as you are!

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So yes, he is dressing exactly as he did before we met, if by exactly you mean not at all.

Would you like that sweater in grey or grey?

Here’s my dilemma.  I’ve always wanted to be bold when it comes to fashion and home decorating.  I see someone in a gorgeous fuchsia pink dress with a bold statement necklace and I think “Oooo I LOVE that, it would look great on me!”.  But then I go shopping and slowly but surely my choices get less trendsetter and more grey.  I’m not being figurative here, I seriously come home with bags full of grey clothes.  The internal dialogue starts off with ‘oh my god, I could totally rock some orange’ and ends with ‘what a nice comfy grey cardigan’.  I do the same thing with decorating.  I totally want to do something bold and before I know it I have a house in various shades of tan.  I am stopping this for 2014.  Last year I declared 2013 the Year of Awesome.   i think we can safely say I knocked that son of a bitch out of the park.  This year it’s the Year of Style.  I don’t just mean with my clothing, i mean with the new house, the way I dress, everything.  Yeah whatever, it sounds shallow, but trust me it’s not.  It’s about accepting whole self, loving my whole self and allowing my exterior to match my interior.  I’m not a dull person.  Why the hell do I wear grey all the time?

This get even more interesting because I need new glasses.  NOT just new glasses but fucking progressives.  Ooops didn’t mean to drop the F-bomb there but when the hell did I get old enough for progressives.  Sigh.  The optometrist is hot so at least I got to enjoy the visit while he told me “yep you’re old, your eyes say so”.  Well it came out more like “there is a slight change but it’s really not that major” but I know what he meant.

So I’m trying to order glasses that make a statement.  I KNOW this will take me ages to decide but I really want to find a pair that is a little ‘out there’ and not the normal rectangular brown glasses with a small detail on the side that I ALWAYS order.  These are the cutest green frames, the only problem is they have gold on the arms and I don’t wear any yellow gold.  But I do love the shape of the glasses.  I’ve always wanted cat eye glasses but they just don’t look good on my face at all .  But I AM going to get something kick ass….

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I came home and showed Miss Thing these pictures and lets just say she was less than impressed with the direction I’ve decided to go in.  Why oh why doesn’t my teenage daughter see how cool I am???

Girls are bitches….

*inspired by my girl at Webb Chronicles…go give her a read.

Last night while sitting on my couch watching tv with my youngest I was listening to Miss Thing and her buddy chatting away while baking in the kitchen.  They were giggling and laughing and making caramel.  It was a great.  It was the opposite of some of the conversations I overhear between teenage girls.  They can be very catty.  I’ve often wondered why it is that girls are so damn judgemental of each other.   There is no problem stabbing another chick in the back.  You like this boy? Let me go sit on his lap.  Junior high girls have some serious game.    And they start is YOUNG.   There is some drama in kindergarten class y’all.   It almost seems like women come out as natural competitors.  But that can not be the case, can it?

Nope.  I think it’s a completely learned behaviour and I bet 90% of you think you’re not contributing to this behaviour.  You are.  Sorry but you are, and worse yet you think that you’re not so there’s no ability to check yourself. Want to know if you are here’s a quick test. Bottle vs. Breast.  Work outside the home vs. Stay at home Mom.  Circ vs. Non Circ.  Vax vs. non Vax.  Pro choice vs. Pro Life.    Whatever side you’re on the ability to support another woman on the other side seems almost non existent.  We beat up the woman on the other side like she doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together.  How COULD she feel that way?  Oh my god, I would NEVER do that?  Clearly she doesn’t love her husband/partner/children/job/life as much as I do!  We attack and demean the woman for her choices.  The VERY choices all the women before us fought to give us. I don’t think this is what Susan B. Anthony meant at all! I think those suffrage women were like “Come on girls!  We are sisters and strong and in this together!”  Maybe this is why we will never truly…..no fundamentally and to our very core be viewed as equal to men.  Not really, because the argument will always be that well if they can’t even support each other, why they hell should we support them.  I mean sure, we talk a good game.  Equal pay for Equal work!  Women are as good at X and a man…blah blah blah.  We may give it lip service but as a people I do not believe that we truly believe it.  So  want to divide women?  Just find out how they feel about abortion and point them at the group that feels the opposite way.  They will destroy each other.

When someone parents or lives different than me I don’t try to change them.  I assume that they are doing the best that they can.  Their choices are their own and they alone have to live with those choices.  Do I cringe on the inside sometimes?  Sure.  But  I make sure that I say that I support their ABILITY to make a choice that is good for them.  Because what we are saying when we attack another woman is that we don’t think she has the ability to make a good choice that works for her and her family.  We are saying that she hasn’t thought through the process and come to the best decision for HER.  A woman doesn’t need a doctor or a pastor to know if she is able to continue a pregnancy and raise or release a child.  A woman doesn’t need outside help on a decision to know if her passion is to be at home or work outside the home.   A few months ago two of my VERY close friends and I got into quite the in depth conversation about a parenting issue.  All three of us would handle very differently.  There were opinions flying all over the place, from one extreme to the next.  It was a healthy debate about parenting from three very different types of parents.  We were respectful and loud and hilarious through the whole thing.  At no time did any of us doubt the ability or intent of the other and in the end we didn’t change who we are or what we believed. What we did do is understand why others make decisions differently and we supported each other.  In the end we all made the best decision WE FELT for our own kids.  It was healthy, it was loving and it was mature.  If only we made sure to model that behaviour on a more consistent basis for our girls.  Cause ladies, we seem to be dropping the ball on that one….

Practise it with me “I support you in whatever decision you make.  I believe that as a strong, intelligent woman you have the tools to make a decision that is best for you”  Oh wait, go say that in the mirror a few times first.  That might be the best place to start.

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