The art of the flirt…

When a conversation keeps popping up in my life I assume the universe is trying to tell me something.  In this case it’s telling me to write about it.  I am a Cupid and therefore I am a flirt.  It kind of comes with the name.  If you want to be in a relationship with a Cupid you better be secure in yourself because I can guarantee you,  you are in a relationship with a flirt.  BUT it’s not a bad thing.  I’m sad that flirting has become such a lost art that people no longer do it.  I’m sad that if you want to flirt and you don’t have a Cupid in your life that the only place you can find another flirt is the local Legion because only people over the age of 70 know how to flirt properly.   Now a days if you flirt with someone they get all freaked out.  Women have done this to themselves.  Someone complimenting you or making a little innuendo is NOT sexual harassment.    We’re all adults, there is nothing wrong with a little wink.  When I was working at the legion with all the old vets I used to flirt all day!  They would call me darling or sweetheart and I would have such a bounce in my step.  One guy would say ‘don’t you flirt with me tomorrow, the wife’s coming to play cards’ and I would giggle and tell him I would try to hold myself back.  He was 80 if he was a day.  I have no problem with my guy flirting, granted he only really flirts with me but if he was flirtatious with others, I wouldn’t really care.  It’s like dancing.  It’s NOT sexual.  At least not to me it isn’t.  And if someone mistook it as sexual I have no problem letting them know that it isn’t .

Here’s an example!  I was out on a emergency trip with a friend and her hubby. My car died and I needed wine (yes that constitutes an emergency) so I called them and they immediately took me to the LBS (liquor board store for those of you outside of saskatchewan).  While we were in the liquor store we got talking about contests and how I win a lot.  The topic of winning a trip came up and the husband made some comment about me taking him after the shop worker asked if he could go if i win a trip.  The husband said ‘oh you should take me I’m young and virile’ or something like that.  His wife snorted and said ‘dude, i’m right here’.   It was HILARIOUS.  We all laughed.  Was it flirtatious?   Yes.  Was he even REMOTELY serious? No.  Did everyone in the room KNOW it wasn’t serious?  Yes.  And when I told my Cowboy the story, he laughed.  He didn’t freak out and say ‘oh my god that man wants you, you must never speak with him again!’ or ‘you are clearly a cheater, pack your bags!’.  No he laughed and said something about it being good I got a ride to the LBS cause it would be tragic if I ran out of wine.  That is the fun HARMLESS flirting.  I do it all the time.  I wish more people did.  It’s fun  but because we’ve put a sexual connotation to flirting and equated it with cheating now it’s considered a bad thing.  I don’t think that is what flirting used to be.

Now of course there IS flirting with a purpose.  I’ve stopped doing that kind of flirting with anyone other than my Cowboy for obvious reasons.  Flirting with a purpose is that type of ‘hey sailor why don’t you come up and see my sometime’ flirting that I do with my main man so he never feels like I’ve lost the desire for him.  I think we as women have lost that too.

 

And here lies where this whole post is going.  My single person common complaint was that there are  no good guys out there.  I was singing that tune over and over again when I was single.  I was online dating and never meeting anyone.  I didn’t understand.  I assumed that I was hideous and fat and unsexy.  Yup, I blamed myself and felt like crap about me.  True the breakdown of my SECOND marriage due to infidelity (again) didn’t help my self esteem much but it was more than that.  I felt invisible.  And then I did something that changed my life.  I changed my attitude.  About me. I decided that the person I was putting out in the world WASN’T desirable.  The person I was showing the world wasn’t happy, or worthy, or fun, or AVAILABLE.  I started to flirt!  I started to notice men.  I noticed if someone was looking and I SMILED. And if I saw someone i thought was cute I even smiled FIRST!  I stopped with the resting bitch face.    When I noticed a weirdly dressed cowboy in the middle of Walmart, I gave him a few stares.  I smiled at him.  I talked to him by the DVD display.  And by the time I left that Walmart he knew that I was a least maybe a little interested and THAT gave him the courage to give me his number.  Well that and balls of steel.  Cause it was still a risk but at least he knew I might be interested because I wasn’t avoiding eye contact and looking miserable the whole time he saw me in the store.

Flirting, with a purpose or without, we need more of it.

5 comments

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    • Rhonda Bate on March 3, 2014 at 12:20 pm

    I love that Walmart story, I have told several people about it and in turn I’ve heard some other awesome stories of how people have met. My favourite is a story about a girl and a guy both shopping for deodorant and the guy says to the girl “so you stink too, huh?” They ended up getting married!
    That one is hysterical.
    Anyway, thanks for the blog, I am officially going to start flirting. I think I am in a similar place as you were except that I don’t feel unworthy, I don’t trust anyone! I had a guy recently staring at me in the grocery store and after making eye contact a couple of times (after me shyly turning away of course) he came over and apologized but he couldn’t help it because he found me so beautiful. I smiled and walked away. Who knows, he could have been a great guy!
    I hope you keep up the writing, and of course, all the best with your cowboy, he sounds wonderful!
    Rhonda

      • admin on March 3, 2014 at 4:08 pm
        Author

      YES!!! My work here is done. Flirt away Rhonda!

    • Nicole on March 6, 2014 at 2:58 pm

    This is so true! A few years ago when I was at my lightest some guy tried to flirt with me, I turned 50 shades of red and walked away. I was confused myself as to why I did that. I used to be great at flirting. It’s like I need to know a person a little before I feel comfortable enough to do it, but then LOOK OUT!

    And since my hubby likes flirting with my friends in liquor stores …..lol, then I guess I better get practicing! Love the new home for your blog! Looking forward to many more years of your “wisdom” to come!

    • Rachel G. on March 7, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    How embarassing is it that I took away from your post,that you’re in Saskatchewan? Hahaha. That’s where my husband is from. I’m American. Long story short, we met online in ’97 & have been married since. 🙂 Anyhoo, I get so excited when I see Sask. mentioned. Not very many people in the states, that I’ve come across anyway, know where Sask is. Exciting stuff. HA!

    Back to your post…really great points. I think that flirting is becoming a lost art. I feel like we do seem to put a lot more sexual weight on it than necessary. There is nothing wrong with some harmless flirting. Everyone feels better about themselves. What’s the harm in that?

      • admin on March 7, 2014 at 10:30 pm
        Author

      All the best people are from Saskatchewan, it’s a well known fact!

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