Do you know what today is? Today is 483 days until I turn 50. Yes, I have a countdown, yes it’s on my phone. Yes I realize it’s just a number. No I’m not REMOTELY upset about turning 50. BUT the thing is it’s there…like super close. It’s not something in the abstract that is decades away….. it’s RIGHT THERE. And I have no fucking idea how it got so damn close. Somedays I feel like I was just a kid, running around East View with all my other Buckwolders. Or hanging out at Mr. Whiz at Market Mall playing Ms. Pacman. Other days it feels like was just a young mom with my sweet little toddler Emmett at my heels. Granted I rarely feel like that when the 6’6″ hulk of a 26 year old is sitting next to me chatting about what shows we’re currently binging. I remember turning 40 and most days it feels like I blinked and boom here we are at 50. I remember my mother saying with a shocked voice how she can’t imagine how she was 50 (I was 9) and I thought it was so ridiculous. Of course you’re 50, you’re super old. I could barely wrap my brain around the idea of being 31 once the year 2000 hit never mind being FIFTY. Super old people are 50….people who can barely move, don’t have fun and are the definition of “uncool”. THAT’S what 50 is….obviously. Except. Um…..I’m 48. So I’ve decided to reevaluate what 9 year old Allison decided 50 was going to be like….
So…..ugh…..I had this BRILLIANT idea a few months ago that instead of waiting until I was ‘just about’ 50 in january of 2019 that for this year I would make sure that my 50th year had NO REGRETS. How you ask? Well….but crossing off all my damn bucket list items that I always put off until ‘some day’.
First. Back when I turn 40 I did it with 40 days of hot yoga leading up to my 40th birthday. I loved it so much. I was ADDICTED to hot yoga and had a daily practice. Secretly I dreamt of becoming a yoga teacher…but I couldn’t. I mean, get real, I’m old, I’m too big. I don’t have a ‘yoga teachers body’. Slowly my practice slipped away as we moved overseas and I never really got back into it. But I always thought “what it”. Well dammit. This year I’m doing it. I’m starting my yoga teacher training on January 12th with this amazing teacher!!! Kick Your Asana
Second. I am starting a weird, random & bizarre but super exciting new venture. I’ve been too nervous to put myself out there about it for YEARS but this year I am doing it. I have a great opportunity and really the only thing stopping me is fear. I totally got called out on it after deciding that I can’t possibly do it and convincing myself no one wants to hear what I have to say. So now I’m putting it into my yearly intention as it TRULY is a long time bucket list item and it was just the kick in the pants I needed.
Third. I’ve put my body on the list. This is a hard one for me. All these years of loving myself and embracing the body I have has made it very hard to put my body on the list of things I want to change. I feel like by saying I’m not comfortable in the body I’m in, I’m somehow at odds with the “love yourself!” movement that I’ve always embraced. But this year I realized that wanting to change and get the body I crave to be stronger isn’t a bad thing. It’s MY body and choosing to make it strong and healthy IS a gift to myself. And the reason I haven’t done it before is because of my own fear of failure. Plus, dammit, I’m almost 50. If I want to go into the ‘second half of my life’ as Mr. Magoo calls it, being able to travel, work and having the energy i crave then perhaps I should do what I need to do in order for that to happen. So 53 days ago I embarked on a new fitness regime. The results are staggering. I am so much stronger, I feel so much healthier. I can’t wait to see where this path leads me.
So that’s it….these are my intentions for 2018. The last year of my 40’s. Holy. Crap. Thank god I look so amazing otherwise this would be fucking depressing…….
Want to see all my other intentions and how this all started???