Breaking up is hard to do…

First let me say I never foresee me having to break up ever again in my entire life.  I’m set.  I’m good.  I have the best partner/mate/boyfriend for me EVER.  I’m beyond happy.  But the happier I am in this relationship the more I realize what crap I had before.   Not just as an adult but seriously my entire dating life has been a train wreck.  I had no idea.  I thought everyone had mostly crappy relationships with just glimmers of good times.  Until now.

Now I have this dude….and my life is peachy keen.

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But all my life I’ve given the same advice to many many girlfriends.  I gave it again today.  One friend has even requested that I do a blog post so she can direct people to it and not have to tell the story over and over.  (here it is MEL) The story is about sour milk.  Now we all have that one friend (or more than one) who has an on again/off again relationship with some twit.  I mean maybe the person is not a twit but for whatever reason the relationship doesn’t work. But they keep trying.  They have a million reasons to keep trying and apparently being happy and living a fulfilling life with a partner in peace isn’t one of them.

So this is what I believe about getting back together with an ex.  An ex is like when you find milk in the fridge and the best before date has passed.  The milk looks like it’s still okay but then you sniff it and realize it’s gone bad.  What do you do with sour milk?  You throw it away!  You don’t put the milk BACK in the fridge and wait for a few days ( or weeks or months) and then pull it back out and see if it’s somehow gotten better.  You don’t need to re-sniff that milk.  We all know that once milk has soured, it’s soured for good.  The REAL stubborn amongst us will pull it out and think ‘yippee! it’s yogurt!’  It’s not yogurt.  It’s a solid mass of spoiled milk.  Do not taste it to check.  Just trust me.  It’s bad.  Throw it out.

Why do we insist on beating a dead horse. *wait quick aside where the hell does this saying come from?  it’s weird…and cruel…and stupid*  What is it that makes us want relationships that are clearly not working?  I think it’s the fear that there isn’t something better out there. That maybe what we have is all we are deserving to have or is “good enough”.  That being with someone who isn’t the best for us is better than being alone. And that deep dark feeling that this is all there is.  Well over the course of the last few years I’ve learned some good lessons.  I’ve been exposed to some amazing relationships.  I’ve met people who have the type of relationship I’ve always wanted.  I’ve come to a huge conclusion….a lot of us tell ourselves little untruths.  We say things like ‘well i love him and he is really trying’…NO he’s not.  If he WAS trying he would be succeeding.  If you are in a relationship with someone who isn’t treating you the way you deserve to be treated it’s because they aren’t trying.  They don’t need to because you’ve already shown them that you’ll accept less.   Trust me when a man is trying there is NO mistake that he is trying.  There is no guess work.  If a man wants something he will climb every mountain, forge every sea, follow every rainbow until he….wait, I just broke into the Sound of Music.  Sorry, its a habit.  We say things like “it’s just the situation, when he gets a new job/house/boss/car it’ll be better”.  No it won’t.  Let me tell you a story….a few months ago my car died.  Like a horrible death of a major part that was going to cost a LOT of money to fix.  As in the transmission on a 4 wheel drive SUV expensive.  When I phoned to tell my Cowboy about what happened he said ‘it’s a machine, machines break’.  The moral of this story is outside stress should not affect how your partner treats you.  If it does, there’s a problem.  Because no matter what is happening your partner should be treating you with respect. If they aren’t…here’s a newsflash…they don’t respect you.  Is that too harsh?  Whatever, it’s the truth.

So the next time there is a friend who keeps going back over and over to the same bad relationship tell them about the sour milk.   Everyone knows what sour milk smells like…a few of us stubborn types even know what sour milk tastes like.  And some of the VERY stubborn among us know that no matter how long you leave sour milk and how many times you taste it there is nothing that will make it taste good ever again.  No,  it’s not yogurt.  It’s a solid mass of sour milk.  Throw it away.