Wow, has it really been three years today since this little creature entered our lives? I was reading his birth story today and I’m still in shock. Still grateful for the wise women who showed me that birthing is something that I can do. Still joyful that Scott and I followed our hearts and birthed at home. Still amazed that more people don’t follow this path. And I can still close my eyes and remember the soft music of Nora Jones in the background the cold hardwood floor grounding me and the sweet voices of the midwives telling me that this was my journey and I could do it. Happy Birthday Elijah.
Editted to ADD Elijah’s birth story cause the link I had no longer exists!
I am sooooooo strong!
Elijah, your birth story starts in October of 2002. There was so much excitement when we finally found out you were on your way. I had dreamed of you and hoped that someday I may have another child but I had no idea the blessing that you would become. I took the pregnancy test because I was sure I wasn’t pregnant. I wanted that glass of wine but something told me to take a test. Yes, all the other tests all the other months were negative but take this one. It will be negative and then you can have that wine…in fact, pour the wine take the test then there is one less step. Okay. Pure joy, happy joy! I was wrong! I AM pregnant! Throw out that wine; dance the “I’m pregnant in the kitchen” dance! Soon you let me know you were really on the way. Thanksgiving is at our house this year because we have the house now. Everyone wants to see it and be part of the celebration. You are our little secret. No one knows you are coming but us. But wait, you want to join the party, but how? Unending morning sickness! That’s how I’ll let everyone know I’m coming. Unfortunately the just think Mommy is a grouch, bossing Daddy around and lying down through the whole thing. That’s okay soon they will all know and then they will understand. This pregnancy progressed like my last. In hindsight it was a beautiful growth experience with many twists and turns were I felt like part of the earth. I felt alive and free. In reality I felt tired and sick. I exercised and swam, not because I felt like it but because I needed to pass the time or I wouldn’t make it to the end. Every visit to the midwife seemed to bring you closer but then as soon as the visit ended I was sure I wouldn’t be able to do this….and you are never coming.
I have been the mother of one for eleven years. I have been the mother of one on my own for 8 years. How can I be a mother of two? I know that you’re suppose to love the second one too but how is that possible when it’s been just one for so long. Oh the fear. This fear is going to slow your arrival. I have to work through this. I decide to allow myself time to love you. I have known your brother for so long that I may need to warm up to you and that’s okay. It might not be instant as it was with Emmett, and that’s okay. Now I am ready.
It’s your “due date” tomorrow. I’m done being pregnant. No child every comes on their due date so I might as well get used to being pregnant for another couple of days….I’ve peed my pants. No I don’t think that’s it. I think that may the beginning of the journey. I know that feeling. Yippee! You must be ready to start your descent. Okay I’ll just hop in the shower and wait a minute, that was just a couple minutes break How is that possible? Where is the slow transition into labour….hold on there is another one. SCOTTTTTTTT!!!! Call Linda, call Barb, call someone…here comes the baby. This is the most glorious feeling. I know there are many people who don’t feel this, I must stay present and enjoy this experience. What if this is the last time I feel this, what if I never get this privilege again? Linda is here. Thank goodness, I don’t think Scott was taking this very seriously, he’s cracking jokes. Oh wait, he’s nervous. I start to chant and the surges get closer together. Saying “I am so strong” over and over again helps me to believe that I truly am strong. I don’t want you to hear me saying “ow” so I start saying “open, open, open” with each surge. I’ve decided thinking of a flower opening won’t work for me. I just concentrate on opening a path for you. Soon the tub is ready and I climb in. I feel light and happy but the water is too hot after a half hour and I have to come out. I tell Linda we have to call Barb as I feel a lot of pressure. It’s only been 2 and a half hours since the first sign of labour, but I don’t think we have much time. Before too long Barb is there how did she get here so fast? I think time is playing tricks on me. It’s 12:30 and she asks if I want some water. I think in my head that they are like corner dealers that push water instead of drugs. I giggle and push. I didn’t want to push, I didn’t mean to push, and really I don’t push. My body and my baby push. Three pushes and here you are. Beautiful and whole. Everything I dreamt of and more. The love is instant and everlasting. Daddy holds you as the cord of love between us is short and I cannot. We look at you in awe, each baby is so beautiful so full of joy but you are clearly beyond perfection. After a few moments I decide I must know what your name will be. I move the cord to discover that you are a beautiful baby boy. The months of wishing and hoping mean nothing as it is how it is suppose to be. You are my son.
Within minutes we are in our family bed. You’ve been weighed and measured and sort of cleaned up. We try to get Emmett to come meet you as he has slept through the entire thing but he is a heavy sleeper and doesn’t understand that you have arrived! We look at you and then we are alone. We sleep in our own bed, waking to look at you and then sleeping some more. In the morning Emmett gets up for school and we ask him if he knows who came last night. That first brotherly look of awe and shock mixed with love is forever etched within my mind.
As I recount the experience throughout the day I realize that we are truly blessed. We had the birth of our dreams. No one to “allow” daddy to hold his first born after the “sterile field” had been cleared, he held you as you were still attached to me. We were a circle of life all joined together at the moment of your birth. I believe that he was so comfortable taking care of you because of this moment. We made you in love, we birthed you in love and we raise you in love, as it should be.
I am grateful for the resources that are available if necessary and we have many blessed children because of those resources. When people hear of your birth they are often shocked that I would “dare” to be so “brave”. I am so incredible sorry for the many people who don’t get the opportunity to experience birth the way Elijah was brought into this world. With his mother and father on the living room floor, with the dog barking, the street lights giving off a soothing light and midwives pushing water and saying “That’s right Allison you ARE sooooo strong.